On Being Missing in Action

How can I even describe how sorry I am? I never meant to leave you all like this.

I fell on hard times when the end of January came because despite my hopes and prayers, my contract at Starbucks wasn’t renewed. That wouldn’t have been the best in good time (because of the things I have to pay for, the lifestyle I really shouldn’t have) but with the up-coming trip to Paris (18 days and counting!) and various other expenses, I simply cannot afford to be unemployed. I’ve been sorted so far with a cleaning job at a primary school seven and a half hours a week but it isn’t where I’d like to be.

I’ve also had problems with my self-confidence. I’m not a vain creature and at my highest point I don’t like myself, but recently I’ve really been failing to see how I can ever match up to the people around me. I’m constantly surrounded by people who weigh nothing but complain that they’re fat, or who obsess about covering up their flawless skin. I’m an inked, chunky girl with no definable hair colour and an inability to pull of flattering clothes. It meant that I felt like I shouldn’t be looking at myself in the mirror, let alone share my opinion on the internet; after all, if I can’t be a paragon of a great life, why on earth should people be following my advice?

It is changing, though. Despite the pain of a permanently damaged ankle and the fact I stopped my last regular sport when I was sixteen, I will be trying to improve myself. And who knows; the spare time I now have as an unemployed student may just help me. Or, it could be my downfall, encouraging me to sit and watch hundreds of old TV shows and the complete coverage of the Winter Olympics. We’ll see.

I’m going to be taking photos of my Paris Plans soon (and there are many of them) as well as writing up some of my very own planning tips; after all, when you’re naturally a hoarder and obsessive planner like I, just packing a capsule isn’t enough. See you very soon,

 

Amy

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